Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
