good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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