dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
