tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
