There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
