my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
