I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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