Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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