he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
