I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
