I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
