Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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