Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
