My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
