Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
