you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
