This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
