you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
