His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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