I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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