Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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