I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
