eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
