Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
