Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this is an emotional support booty call
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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