How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
