everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
