Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
