I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
