do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
