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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

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• (619): View more from California

  Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You're so thoughtful.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??

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• (415): View more from California

  I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"

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