I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
