if you like me you must not know who I am
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
