She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
