there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
