Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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