i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
