if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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