we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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