omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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