He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
