I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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