You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
