what day is it and did you see me today?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
