come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize