why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize