last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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