i permit you to call me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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