I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
