I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
