Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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