Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
