She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
