u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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