Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
