the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
