my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
