I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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