the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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