just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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