she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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