All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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