Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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