u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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