This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
