Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she pinky promised me she was 18
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
