Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
