I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
